Taking my Time

I love how Einstein taught us about time. When we are doing something we truly enjoy, time flies. When we’re in difficult moments, time seems to slow down. And every once in a while we get into a zone where time doesn’t seem to exist.

I recently struggled with a moral dilemma that made days seem like eternities, moments like eons. I was looking at my situation upside down and sideways, and couldn’t find my way clear to resolve it. What to do?

The amazing thing I came to see is that I was so caught up in it that I couldn’t even talk about it!!! That is not my norm–I usually talk things out, ask for help, get feedback. But this problem was so deeply affecting my soul that although I could talk about parts of it, I just couldn’t face letting the whole story come out in the open.

My friends and family started asking me what was wrong, and I responded in my usual way, “I’m fine!” And I kept convincing myself that I was!

But I wasn’t, and I finally had to come to grips with it and realize that I couldn’t contain the emotional stuff leaking out of me– and that if I didn’t start talking about it and getting more help, I would end up being ill.

Thank god I did–and the help poured out from myriad sources! What a blessing! I have worked through it, I know what to do, I have a plan and can now execute it.

Should I have come to the resolution sooner? Did I waste the time I spent ruminating on the inside? Is there an X on my life “report card” for not making good use of time and materials? (That is a left-over from elementary school….)

I feel so much better right now that I don’t mind that I took my time. It is just where I was, and I do believe–for many reasons–I did the best I could do to deal with the situation. If I were younger, I probably would be beating myself up for not resolving it sooner. A great advantage to being almost 60 is that I understand process and am willing to go through it.

Thank god!