Realization

Time has flown by and I’m down to two days before I start traveling again. Being in Mykonos has been a wonderful respite from my busy-ness of home, but I didn’t really come to any great new awarenesses, or feel free from the nagging anxiety of the last few months. I guess it is as my sister predicted–getting over this shock to my system is like being a burn victim. My skin needs time to heal even though I’ve done the mental/spiritual work and see the blessings…….

My body and emotions haven’t quite caught up yet. This is one of those fertile void periods for me. I have the sense that there is much ahead, I just don’t know what it is. And at this point, I don’t actually know how to know.

On this trip I’ve read 9 books so far and will probably top 11 by the time I get back to Texas. Reading this much at one time has at least reaffirmed my confidence as a writer. The ones I most enjoy reading are those who write like I do, sort of streaming consciousness, even if it is in the voice of a fictional character.

So I know I can do that. And I feel strongly that the process I’m going through is probably not that different from many in my age range. We are being given an opportunity to reinvent ourselves, unencumbered by past expectations of what society supposedly would provide for us. Our retirement funds are no longer cushions to rely on, we are not the most sought after work force applicants, and most of us feel a somewhat diminished possibility of living out the romantic notions of our youth–whether we are in relationships currently or not.

So, as they say, it’s a new ball game.

The cool thing about that for me is that I want to make up the rules this time–on my terms.

What a concept! It isn’t a new awareness to bring home so much as a realization. This time it really is my turn, and what I do with it is up to me.

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